Was god drunk when he faked evolution?

On the evening of the fifth day, god, after creating the fish and the birds, gets a little drunk. He was almost done with his project, he has a big day tomorrow, creating the mammals and then the icing on the cake, the people. He would get a day off, but he knew, of course he knew, those guys would pester him forever, always asking for things, nagging, nagging, nagging. He had fun making all this, but how could he get out of the customer service?

And then it hit him. He thought it through, went back to his workbench and fiddled. His prank might not work, but it was worth a try. He moved around the plants, fish and birds. He took some of the spare parts for his animals and buried them around the world. The next morning, god got up, a little hung over and chuckling to himself, spread out the mammals and placed the different groups of people just right.

It wouldn’t be easy, he just had to hide, shut up and pretend that he wasn’t responsible, that he didn’t even exist. He had to get them to believe that it all just happened. That things just evolved on their own.

He really needed that day off.

Evidence of evolution is widespread, coherent and is evidence of life starting billions of years ago.

To believe that god created earth a few thousand years ago with flora and fauna immutably in their current form is to believe that god created an extremely elaborate hoax.

He crafted fossils and painstakingly placed them throughout the world to be perfectly coherent with the fact that plants and animals had slowly evolved over millions of years. He also separated existing flora and fauna and placed them in groups around the globe in a complex pattern that points to them evolving through time and space in a logical order, perfectly matching evolutionary theory.

What is the point? To test our faith in front of contradictory evidence? Why give us a brain if we shouldn’t use it?


  • I was just noticing that your posts aren’t showing up yet in Triberr. I think you might need to assign your blog to the atheism tribe for it to work. See https://help.triberr.com/how-do-i-assign-my-blogs-to-a-tribe/ for help.

  • Doug Brooks

    I think you are talking mainly about “Young-Earth Creationists”. Most other Jews and Christians agree that life on earth began 3-4 billion years ago. In fact, Georges Lemaître, a Catholic Priest and Physics Professor posited a theory of an expanding universe, which eventually became widely known as the “Big Bang Theory”. According to this article from Nov 2013 — https://ncse.com/blog/2013/11/just-how-many-young-earth-creationists-are-there-us-0015164 — only about 1% of the US population (still too many) are hardcore Young-Earth Creationists.
    The first few verses of the Bible (Genesis) are not meant to be read as a literal scientific account. However, “…the early chapters of Genesis are history and not myth. But they are not history as it would be written by a modern historian. You might say that they are history written in mythic language a poetic compression of the truth, as it were.” -Ack: Johnston, George Sim. “How to Read the First Chapter of Genesis.” Lay Witness (September, 1998).

    • Hi Doug,

      Most sources talk about 40-50%. The conclusion of the article you point to is that “the hard core of young-earth creationists represents at most one in ten Americans”, which is 10%, not 1%. The fact that another 25% are confused about the issue and that their answers vary with the wording of the question doesn’t give me high hopes either. If you widen to scepticism of evolution more generally, these numbers go even farther up.

      These polls concentrate on the US. In the rest of the world, these numbers drop dramatically. There seems to a strong correlation between education and acceptance of evolutionary theory throughout the world, with the US being the striking outlier.

      But, whatever the number, it shows a much too common denial of science in religious people, which is worrisome.

      When you say “are not meant to be read as a literal scientific account”, I agree, of course. But that raises the issue that if some parts are to be taken literally and others not, who decides which are which? I get the feeling that most people read their convictions into the bible, more than building their beliefs from it. If you cherry pick what to believe, how can the bible be any kind of guidance? It becomes a justification of your beliefs. If you can get statistics to say whatever you want, it seems even easier for the bible…

      I am not trying to point figures. The goal of my stories is to illustrate in a simple manner a theist argument or position and to help sceptics to fell more comfortable in their lack of belief. In my “About” page, I put it like this: “This blog tells simple stories, asks simple questions, based on common views of god. It turns out that, each time, there is no satisfying answer.”.

      Thanks for reading

      • Doug Brooks

        Hi John,
        Thanks for writing! I apologize about my stats blunder. Your are of course correct! It is 10%! And of course that is way way too many, I agree. The numbers are worrisome. But what IS worth celebrating? The fact that we are even asking these types of questions. Maybe 50-100 years ago, most folks weren’t even thinking about this. It would be like asking, “What color are the rocks on Saturn’s largest moon, Titan?” The fact that a growing number of the population can even provide an answer, I believe, is something to be applauded.
        Related to the bible, you and I agree as well. We need a single authority. In the Catholicism, that authority is called the magisterium. Catholicism teaches that there are three keys, or a single three-faceted key, to Christian unity. 1) Tradition 2) Sacred Scripture 3) the Magisterium.
        “…sacred Tradition, Sacred Scripture and the Magisterium of the Church are so connected and associated that one of them cannot stand without the others. Working together, each in its own way, under the action of the one Holy Spirit, they all contribute effectively to the salvation of souls” (Catechism of The Catholic Church, No. 95).
        Unfortunately, the percentage of the population that make up their own interpretations of the bible is likely far larger than the percentage of “hard core” Young-Earth Creationists. Although, my grandmother always used to say, “It takes all kinds [to make a world].”

        • I am not sure we “need” a single authority. I mistrust people who proclaim they have one. There is often no place left for debate…

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